TEMPER TANTRUMS

I don't know why, but we seem to have recently had so many parents come in and discuss temper tantrums in their children. So, I thought I would try to shed some light on this limited, but really frustrating issue.
Tantrums are certainly normal in children's development. Tantrums occur mostly between ages 1 and 3 years, but many kids can become "professional temper tantrum experts". Many children have more tantrums prior to and around the time of language development. Before kids can tell you their desires, they can become very frustrated and appear to be very demanding. In fact, a behavioral pediatrician stated once that children at this age see themselves as kings and you (as the parent) are merely their subjects. This can give a lot of frustration to both child and parent.
Children cannot verbalize their sense of frustration or hunger or dissatisfaction, so tantrums can be an effective means for kids to try to get what they need. Tantrums are the child's method to get you to give them something that they want. Many times, their "want" is not what you want them to have. There is a difference in what they NEED and what they WANT. You, as the parent must make the determination if the thing the child wants is what you want them to have.
Sometimes, a child is so persistent, you can't seem to ignore the tantrum. This can be difficult for you, as the parent because the child continually escalates the tantrum in an effort to get you to give into their whim. If you can’t ignore your child in a tantrum, you first need to realize that the child will follow you around because they will increase their effort and watch for your reaction. Yes, your child can read you (like a book)! They will not stay in Room A and have a tantrum if you are in Room B. They will be looking for you to increase your own anxiety to the point that you give in. DO NOT SHOW EMOTION OR FRUSTRATION or the kid will sense that they are "winning".

You do need to do the following.

If your child is physically at risk of danger, grab him quickly and tightly and hold him or make it very clear to him that it is dangerous and he cannot run into the street or do the dangerous act that he was doing. If your child is hitting or biting, you must stop them immediately. Make sure that you let him know that action is not acceptable. You may have to "show your teeth" and remove the child from the situation or take away a privilege.
OK....So your child will eventually stop. They NEVER go to college with temper tantrums! Temper tantrums tend to get better after the age of 3. (I know that does not help you a lot if your child is 2 years old), but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Tantrums may occur to get things that your child needs normally and naturally between the ages of 1 and 3 years. Talk with us if you have a concern about some of those behaviors. Stay calm. Speak to trusted and supportive friends and family around you to help understand how to stand back and wait for tantrums to dissolve.

Tips to Surviving Temper Tantrums:

Choose your battles! You do not have to win every situation. First think...is this something that REALLY matters? If it matters to YOU, yes-you need to win that war. If not, let it go.
Think about giving in a little to settle the situation. Consistency from day to day is the name of the game here. Most tantrums happen in 1 year old to 3 year old children. Few children continue to throw tantrums into the school years.
Give your child enough attention and “catch her being good.” Provide praise during those moments when your child is acting positively. If you only mention issues when the child is having a tantrum, they will not have any positive reinforcement. Some temper tantrums are just a demonstration of the child's personality and behavior.
During a tantrum, allow your child to have some control over little things (offer small, directed choices with options rather than yes/no questions).
Try to distract the child. Try a new room for a change of environment. Let the child know what they CAN do which should be acceptable to you and hopefully acceptable to the child.
Do not show that the tantrum affects you. Do not give in if this tantrum is about a small issue. Realize that sleep, stress and hunger play a part in temper tantrums and therefore, some days are harder than others.
Do NOT ignore behaviors like hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing. You need to have a zero-tolerance policy for these anti-social behaviors.
If you notice that tantrums tend to increase when your child is hungry, have a healthy snack handy if you are not home. If tantrums peak when your child is fatigued, make sleeping and nap time a priority. You may need to change your own schedule to accommodate some of these things. It is NOT always easy, but you may find that it is far better in the long run.
Give yourself a break when you need it. Take turns with another parent or friend when your frustration escalates. Get a babysitter and go to dinner and a movie. You will recharge your emotional batteries.

Call us if there are any issues that you wish to discuss with us.

Smart Parents = Healthy Kids

“Smart Parents = Healthy Kids” is not just a saying, it goes to the heart of our philosophy. We have designed the “Get Smart” section of our website to empower you, the parent, on how best to handle most situations. This cannot be exhaustive but can be a reference for most concerns. During a visit, we will make sure that you have all the information you need and deserve to explain any situation that you may have.

 

Pediatric Affiliates of Hampton Roads is a private, physician-owned, community-based pediatric office that was founded in 1990 by Dr. Bob Lehman. Dr. Lehman had strong principles to create an outpatient medical home that parents could access for health care infused with compassion, expertise, and comprehensive health care for their sick and well children. Coming from a strong family background, Dr. Lehman has always believed that a pillar of the Practice is to provide a close relationship between the doctors, nurses and staff with the focus being the child and their parents. Initially starting in the DePaul Hospital area, the Practice has now grown to two offices - one in Virginia Beach and the other in Chesapeake.

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